Killing Masculinity.
That isn’t exactly what I mean, really.
But the title got your eyes and tummy all warmed up and squirming around, didn’t it.
Felt like at the VERY least, this has to be somewhat juicy right?
You’ve come to the right place, though if you make it to the end of this journey I wonder what emotions or conclusions you will come to. It seems like the more and more time goes by, and the more I experience in my life, the best feelings are the ones that are complex and spawn more questions from a stirring feeling from my gut and tingling through my throat and chest.
06/11/2022 - A partial letter to myself:
“What does it mean to be a man?
My mind races and skips between reactions like anyone else, right?
The terrifying remoteness of anything told being shared, or even recognizable-
The total ossification, or maybe rather petrification, of anything which defies utility or dedication to work, dispassionate but family-oriented permanently virile sex, and universal head-of-household paternalism based on the ultimate fantasy towards a totally isolated pruritic society - where white nuclear families dominate every conceivable aspect of not only our ways of life but the very geography and landscape which could possibly be liveable and available.
This land, “our” land, now becomes the very representation of morbidity in human affairs,
where ‘men’ can exclaim
with manufactured, cold calculation
that this is the way things are in life.
as if they really knew everything life offers, takes, or forgives.
I really can’t remember a time in my childhood where a man who was considered tough & heroic was also willing to wear a dress and sing show tunes,
much less be a social worker,
or guide me through what a hurturing and holistic mindset was or is.
That’s women’s work.
Yet, I doubt most women would write about or think about anything remotely similar to the way I am now.
I still feel the testosterone-laden glee of competition just for the sake of competition. I get making things simply invigorating and challenging to the point of potential physical injury just for the sake of the rush.
I also know that we are complex animals, and that we are in a time of love and community in a global manner while dealing with feeling more isolated than we’ve ever known.
If we can find a way…
IF we must continue to more forward,
It will require redefining what we are.
And being masculine will have nothing to do with your dick or your clothes or your bank account or your violence.
One day we will understand the true cost of violence.
It commits the universe to disruption with an unknown end, and invites compounded destruction.
But what do we do when confronted with violence we did not want but is right in front of us, nonetheless?
Maybe we should all just become little girls again.
Start over at the beginning.”
The letter ended before that, but I think this ending is cheeky and intense at the same time.
If you’re a man, how do you define what being a man is?
I hope you are smarter than responding with something that comes right off the top of your head.
The world is more complicated than it seems…